


Racing Heart

by ButterfliesAndPenguins



Category: Free!
Genre: In which Rei has a panic attack during swim practice, M/M, and Makoto can relate, and Nagisa is there for him, nagirei - Freeform, reigisa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 01:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3791125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterfliesAndPenguins/pseuds/ButterfliesAndPenguins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei has a panic attack during practice and Makoto calms him down with some wisdom of his own. Nagisa refuses to let Rei slink off alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Racing Heart

“Aaaaand, time!” Gou clicked her stopwatch with a “tsk”. “Keep your form through the finish, Rei-kun!”

Rei coughed and tasted chlorine as he peeled off his goggles and looked up at their manager’s slightly blurry face. “What was my time?”

Gou frowned, biting the tip of her pencil. “Four seconds slower. You’ve been slipping throughout the day. You’re still 11.3 seconds under your best time.”

Rei shut his eyes and inhaled shakily.

“You’ll slow down the team with those times,” Gou said airily, and Rei could tell she was trying to be gentle, albeit failing. “You’ve just got to focus harder, all right?”

“If you resist the water, the water will fight back,” Haru appeared in the lane beside him. 

“I’ll try not to,” Rei said through a wry face.

“You can’t depend on the water, you have to accept it. Let it transcend you.”

Rei backed nervously against the pool wall. “I’ll—do my best.”

“We’re counting on you, Rei-chan!” Nagisa waved from the other end of the pool.

Rei felt like his stomach was filled with dry ice. He prickled at the thought of throwing up in the pool. Clenching his teeth, he shoved his goggles back over his eyes. “I’ll try again,” he rose warily to the starting block, ignoring the spots in his vision.

Gou put the whistle to her lips. Just before she blew, Rei’s gut went sour as she said quietly, “Just don’t think so much.”

At the shrill note, Rei lurched forward, reaching too low and feeling himself sinking too deep on entry. He tried to compensate by kicking rapidly toward the surface, but something wasn’t right. Even as he broke the surface he felt like his lungs and skull were flooding. His chest was suddenly in a vice and he wasn’t sure if he was floating or falling. He tried to stroke, but felt his feet scrape against the cement floor. Reaching for the pool ledge, he felt his knees buckle beneath him as water rushed into his nostrils. Just then he heard a loud splash beside him and felt something grab his waist. He tried to shout, but only managed a sputter of bubbles before he was heaved onto the dry cement.

“Keep coughing,” said a gentle voice above him. Rei couldn’t do anything else anyway.

He was dimly aware of other voices behind him, but they sounded so far away. As he cleared the water from his lungs, Rei expected his breathing to get easier, but instead his shoulders were frozen, and none of the oxygen he was desperately taking in seemed to reach his brain.

“Here, hug these to your chest.” A tanned hand offered him three kickboards stacked against one another. Confused, Rei did as he was told and looked up into brownish blur of his rescuer.

“Ma—koto… senpai?”

“Rei, I’m going to count to six, and I need you to breathe in slowly, then hold it for three counts, then out for eight, okay? Just focus on my voice.”

Rei nodded feebly, pulling off his goggles with weak hands. His heart was racing and every nerve in his body was telling him to bolt in any direction. He needed to run, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to stand. His lungs still felt like they were full of water, was he still drowning? The idea of passing out brought a new flood of panic behind his eyes.

Makoto was counting patiently and Rei tried to match his breathing. He remembered accidentally touching an electric fence once as a child. This felt like he was caught in a web of them. He heard gasping before he realized the sounds were coming from his own throat.

“Should I get Amakata-sensei?” he heard Gou ask rapidly. The frightened note in her voice sent another shock through Rei’s chest.

“No, that won’t be necessary.” 

A hand rested on Rei’s shoulder and he flinched.

“You’re going to be okay, Rei. I just need you to breathe with me and this will be all over. Can you do that?” Makoto’s tone was so certain that Rei almost believed him. 

He felt himself nod.

“Good.” The smile before him was so warm that Rei stopped shivering for a split second. The counting resumed and he focused on unclenching his stiff arms just enough to inhale deeply.

“In… two… three… four… five… six… hold… two… three…”

Rei breathed with Makoto’s counts for what felt like hours. His surroundings began to come into focus again—the glare of the pool water, his abandoned goggles on the cement… Nagisa hovering anxiously beside them.

“How are you feeling?” Makoto asked gently.

Rei opened his mouth to reply, but didn’t have the energy to make a sound. He nodded blankly.

“Can you walk?”

Rei glanced about nervously.

“Here, I’ll help you,” Makoto offered a hand and pulled him up gently. Rei felt like he had left the contents of his skull on the cement and wobbled. “We’ve got you,” Makoto gave a gentle laugh. Rei noticed Nagisa was at his other side, supporting him from beneath his shoulder. Haru brought him a towel as they made their way toward the plastic chairs in the shade.

“Thanks, guys,” Makoto waved them off gently. “Let’s give him some space.”

Haru obeyed without hesitation and slunk back into the pool, but crouched, submerged to his nose, and watched from a distance. Nagisa backed timidly away with his hands behind his back.

“I’m—” Rei stuttered, forcing his voice so they could all hear. “I’m sorry....”

“Nevermind, Rei,” Makoto said firmly, kneeling in front of him. “It’s not your fault.”

“This doesn’t normally—” he cast about for words, “I couldn’t stop—”

“What matters is that you’re okay now,” Makoto gave his signature smile, but there was a knowing look in his eye that Rei couldn’t place.

There was an awkward silence. Rei felt obligated to fill it. “I’m sorry to have interrupted practice.”

“No harm done,” Makoto waved blithely.

“I must have looked so embarrassing,” Rei mumbled. “I’ll try harder, I’ll be ready to swim again in just a moment—”

“Rei.”

He was certain it was the first time he had heard Makoto interrupt anyone before. The captain fixed him with clear, green eyes and continued with a tinge of sympathy.

“This wasn’t your first panic attack, was it?”

Rei’s chin dropped slightly. He felt cornered. There was no denying it anymore, no convincing himself that he was imagining things. He gripped the kickboards he was still holding tightly.

“H—how did you know?”

Makoto took a seat in the lawn chair beside him, leaning over his knees. “I used to get them, too. Back in grade school… I always felt like there was something in the water coming after me.”

Rei stared at him quizzically, his own pounding heart forgotten for a moment. “You did, Makoto-senpai?”

He nodded. “Actually, the last one I had was the last time I tried to save you,” he smiled.

Rei remembered the night of their training camp when he had foolishly gotten caught in the storm. Makoto had come for him first, but had to be rescued himself.

“Mine came from fearing the water,” he continued, “but I suspect yours have happened for a slightly different reason.”

Rei didn’t know what to say. He shifted forward in his chair and glanced experimentally at his still trembling fingers.

Makoto exhaled a cleansing breath. “You don’t have to carry the weight of the team, Rei. It’s not fair to put so much pressure on one person.”

Rei’s heart jumped. “But you’re all counting on me! I’m the only one who’s holding the team back—”

“We’ll be honored to swim with you no matter what our times.” Makoto’s smile silenced him once again. “You’ve already done more than your part by joining and giving us the chance to keep the swim club open. We’re just grateful to have the chance to be a team.”

Rei’s throat prickled. He was sure that couldn’t be right, that he couldn’t possibly be good enough for them. But Makoto’s gaze was honest as ever, and Rei didn’t have the heart to retort. He gripped his knees and stared at the ground.

“Thank you, Makoto-senpai.”

“Of course. Now, Rei, you take it easy for a while until you catch your breath completely again.”

“But I’m ready, I need all the practice I can get to—”

“Captain’s orders,” Makoto drew himself up to his full height, broad shoulders casting a wide shadow. “Give yourself a break. And don’t even think about touching the water until you’ve stopped shaking, alright?” Makoto patted his shoulder, which was still shivering slightly, despite the summer heat.

“Yes, Makoto-senpai,” Rei conceded quietly.

As Makoto returned to the pool, Rei decided he couldn’t bear to watch the others practicing without him. He slunk around to the showers and sat facing away from the pool, towel draped over his head in shame. He couldn’t help stewing in his own thoughts until he heard the gentle pat of wet feet on the concrete beside him. A small hand came into view beneath his towel, offering a pair of bright, red glasses. Rei looked up.

“Thought you might need these,” Nagisa nudged them toward his palm.

“Thank you, Nagisa-kun,” Rei mumbled.

Nagisa tucked his knees in and took a seat beside him. Rei peered at him from under his towel.

“Shouldn’t you be practicing with the others?”

Nagisa shrugged. “Seemed like a good time for a break.”

“I’ve ruined practice for everyone,” Rei groaned.

“Stop it, Rei-chan,” Nagisa knocked a knee against his teasingly.

“What if it happens again?” Rei clutched the towel on his head. “I can’t expect one of you to keep rescuing me.”

“Rei-chan…”

He could feel his shoulders clenching and his skin turned cold again. “What if I can’t swim anymore and you won’t be able to compete in the relay because of me?” He heard his voice wavering before he saw his hands shaking like they had when he first come out of the pool.

Suddenly one of them was snatched by Nagisa in a surprisingly strong grip. 

“Rei-chan.”

Rei glanced at him, feeling the dizziness creep back behind his eyes. Nagisa’s grip was almost hurting him.

“You have to do the breathing thing again, okay? Here, when I squeeze, breathe in, and when I let go, breathe out. Ready?”

Nagisa’s eyes were so focused, Rei was compelled to nod.

Nagisa squeezed, more gently this time, and Rei inhaled. As he released, Rei could feel some of his tension escape through Nagisa’s small hand. The second squeeze was a bit too firm, and Nagisa apologized with a nervous laugh. They kept up the pattern together, and Rei obediently matched his slow rhythm. After a minute or two he could feel himself coming down again. He leaned back in relief. They sat in silence, listening to the splashes of the second years in the pool behind them. 

Rei felt obligated to offer an explanation for his behavior even though Nagisa had asked for none. “They’re not usually this bad,” he mumbled, “this is all my fault.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Nagisa frowned.

“If I just had the presence of mind to reason myself back to reality, this wouldn’t have happened.” he hunched forward in frustration.

“Rei-chan, you’re not stupid. You’re the smartest person I know.” Nagisa glanced up encouragingly. “This seems like it’s about more than having brains.”

“But if I wasn’t so weak, maybe I could just get ahold of myself…”

Nagisa turned toward him and fixed him with a stare. “Do you think Mako-chan is weak and pathetic?”

Rei raised his head. The towel slipped down around his shoulders. “No, I don’t.”

“Then, neither are you.”

They heard Gou cheering and turned to see her congratulating Makoto on his time. He smiled modestly and pulled himself out of the pool.

“You’ll get there,” Nagisa nodded. 

Rei let his teammate’s words wash over him. The electric buzzing in his chest had died down and he left himself relax. “Thank you,” he finally sighed, still embarrassed.

“Any time,” Nagisa scooted slightly closer and made himself comfortable. “We’re all here for you, you know. Especially me,” he added quietly.

A smile tugged at Rei’s mouth, despite how stiff his face felt. “You did say you would take responsibility for me.”

“That’s right,” Nagisa grinned.

Rei noticed his shoulders had stopped shaking. He took a deep, experimental breath.

“I think I’m prepared to go practice with the others again.”

“Good,” Nagisa’s eyes were shining.

Rei moved to balance himself in order to stand up, but found his right hand was weighted down. Glancing over, he saw that Nagisa’s fingers were still intertwined with his.

“Er, Nagisa-kun… you can let go now. If you want.”

“Huh?” he blinked, then pulled away suddenly. “Oh! Sorry, Rei-chan,” he laughed, rubbing the back of his head.

Rei couldn’t tell if the heat from his face was leftover from the adrenaline of his panic attack or not. “Let’s go back together,” he stood, offering to hoist up Nagisa as well.

Nagisa grinned. “Only if you promise to go easy on yourself.”

Rei nodded as they turned the corner. “I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> It is canon that Makoto had several panic attacks back in High Speed! and I just really wanted to show him being an awesome bro/mom for anxiety bby Rei. 
> 
> Rei would totally get panic attacks. Let's be real.
> 
> But it gives Nagisa a chance at unnecessary hand-holding.
> 
> (Sorry for the awful pun title I am so terrible at titles)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Butterfliesandpenguins on Tumblr.


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